Nothing like a good cup of coffee to make work actually happen for me. I got a lot done this afternoon and earned myself a nice run.

I am noticing the nature of human beings to recoil from pain and suffering- that includes hearing about what other people experience. Reading stories about street orphans in Rwanda is appalling, and makes me want to... stop reading. That is what all of us as comfortable Americans are plagued with. How do we push through that? It is so hard, especially if we feel the natural combination of self centerdness and helplessness to change. I must pray that I will understand the issues better and that we as a Body can promote change and healing for so many overwhelming needs.

There were situations and people in Awanno that I could hardly think about because I couldn't change them.

sunny flower garden

I listened to a sermon by Jonathan Edwards on The Way of Holiness on a free sermon website today. I sat in the backyard in the beautiful sunny garden insulated from the ever changing world, and likened God and His holiness to that sanctuary. He is steady, unaffected, holy, like a pure, rich note of music that doesn't change... undisturbed.

Isn't skill in writing closely related to skill in thinking? You don't write unless you have something to say, right? (Maybe not, these days!!) Being forced to write on a blank page is like an exercise in thinking or a little window into the brain- maybe there's nothing in there today!!

Good writing: maybe a new thought that readers enjoy because noone has thought of it yet. Or maybe just describing life as we see it, but putting words on what we all feel but only a few of us can turn into words. Connecting the dots, sortof, in our lives and pointing out the ironies it holds.

Le Boulanger in Los Gatos offers free wireless access, so we are tucked in the corner on the couch. I am preparing for my travel health presentation, trying to educate myself on- hey, how do you remove ticks? And how strong should my sunscreen be, and plus, what is the SPF an indicator of, anyways? How should I treat hives after a bee sting? Its funny all the antecdotal stories I am thinking of- examples of life here and overseas that I have seen.

Kristine got a tick once, and for all my "nursing knowledge" I had no idea what the method of choice was to remove it. Aren't you supposed to burn it or something? Something about vasoline??? Also remembered the time at Dinky Lakes, years ago, when we all got out to backpack and found the mosquitos SWARMING. We all grabbed for the DEET repellent but felt guilty, wondering, doesn't that cause cancer or something??

Talked to David last night who said he was thinking of coming home for spring break- we talked about heading up to Napa or something fun like that over the weekend, lets try all the youth hostels in California!! Here is me looking thoughtful next to a lake- up at Yosemite I think- couldn't help searching myself on his free imagebase.

How did I end up taking a long nap this afternoon? Not sure. Probably "gastric overdistention" from my big lunch with Kathy, that was fun to catch up with her.

I may have to get out of the house to get my work done- in two weeks time I am presenting a "travel health" seminar about keeping teams healthy in missions... How am I going to fill an hour? The Center for Disease Control is great for that.

So, on to run maybe, or keep reading grant proposals. The situation in Zimbabwe does sound pretty bad.

We had a great time on Friday eating Ethiopian food and drinking coffee with cardamon (in real Ethiopian cups) all together. It was fun fitting it in before Kristine has her baby, funny to reminisce together seeing as I haven't seen Jeff in a long time and we can laugh at all the weird stuff that we laughed about out there, and it was nice realizing so many of the same people know us well and were really supportive. The leftover injera was good yesterday, but definitely gone today!! I ate some and didnt' enjoy it. Too bad we have so much wot left over- I should buy some injera from the store on Bascom.

The River today was sweet. I've never been before but found it refreshing this morning- also encouraged by what felt like a few moments of clear thinking. I don't have to be on the night shift forever, I will be normal one day. I don't have to leave completely, maybe I can just go per diem at some point. Maybe I can go per diem, travel, then stay per diem and get a normal day job after that and learn some other part of nursing. That was a relief to think about. And I decided, somehow, to put some consecrated time into prayer for the year.

There is so much traveling that could happen, a trip to Ethiopia in May with Jennifer could end up being perfect, God can do that no problem. And then, Israel, Phillipines, Toulouse, New Zealand, back to Africa, Afghanistan, who knows, all of the above? So, maybe 20 minutes a day for 2 weeks? A three day period of intense seeking? I've got some emails to send, for starters.

Traveling, or moving out, or wishful thinking.

Sick. I called in for two nights now, just can't bring myself into work with a drippy nose, not in a place where you are handling brand new babies and in such proximity with your patients. Maybe at a desk job...

I heard from Ramonda today, it was good to hear from people in Ethiopia. Jen is putting her trip together for the spring and wondering if I can come along, and should I try and make that work? I requested some time off in May and got it! Surprise, surprise... Thought about trying to tag along with David on his study trip to Israel, but if the details fell into place to make it back to Awanno, I don't think I could say no. The tricky part is not getting to Ethiopia, but making sure I could make it back to Awanno. It has to be carefully planned, because now the white people are only commuting in periodically, so I would coordinate with them. Just looked at pictures of the greenery again (in preparation for our Ethiopian dinner evening this Friday night) and wished I could hold it all in my heart.

I am still poking around on Craig's List wishing for the right place to move in to. The reality is I am not settling, so that makes me very indecisive. I am not thriving here in this house, but I don't want to be rash, or end up settling. I'll just keep looking slowly.

There was a man sharing about his work with InterVarsity overseas sharing at a little forum at Julie's house the other night, and I went and heard him. Suprise, he presented in French and Kurt translated! It was like tasting something delicious you've been missing, to hear him speak French, then hear English right after to clarify what I didn't understand. Beautiful, French-sounding French. Makes me feel like I am traveling, and somewhere exciting!

Finished Lewis' book and now poking through a couple poetry books and another one on Ethiopia. Secular poetry can feel very dark at times, like it is not the last thing you want to read before you go to sleep. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner was interesting, rhythmic, and in some ways, dark.