Becky's First Day

So there we were:  tucked into the back of the minivan, knees up against the seat in front of us, and Becky asks me, "Is this how the bus to Langano is going to be?"  Hmm, yea, that would be a yes!  We headed up to Tora Hailuge- Becky is commenting on the herd of goats on the side of the road and I am thinking, "wait, aren't there goats in California?"  So we get out to meet my shoeshine boy friend Mamoosh, but before we run our errand (he is going to help me buy a cell phone for a friend) he wants to shine her shoes, please. 

 

Well, she's wearing Converse.  I said "they are cloth, they shouldn't get wet" so he agrees, sits her down, and starts cleaning the outside white rubber part, then polishing THAT up with white shoe polish.  The laces are out right away and dumped into (dirty looking) water as he tells me, "Every night you need to teach her Amharic with a dictionary so she learns."

 

Thus begins her adventure..... we got the cell phone and stopped for lunch at a meat house with a huge cow leg just hanging outside right by the door on the way in.  It is good for me to see this country with new eyes.

The Great Ethiopian Race

Well, you wouldn't expect a 10K in Addis, this is a developing country and all, but after all, we all know Ethiopians can run, right?? This race is held every year, starting at Meskel Square, which is the largest intersection in Africa -- 14 lanes across -- and winds around the downtown area of Addis. While there are lots and lots of Ethiopians that can really run, there are plenty that come out to walk it. I came back from Langano on Saturday so I could run the race on Sunday. It was great!! The American Embassy sent out a warning "advising" Americans not to run it because of the potential of problems with such a large group of runners -- 36,000 is the number I heard. The SIM leadership that I talked to did not have a strong opinion about running it, so our little group headed down to Meskel early Sunday morning. In the huge swarm of people, we ended up pretty far back among mostly walkers, so it was impossible to run. It reminded me of Bay to Breakers in San Franciso -- unless you register early, don't even think about running! We walked the first 5 kilometers of the race, running and weaving here and there. It didn't bother me not to run, as I hadn't done too much training and I get tired so fast- of COURSE blaming the altitude of around 8,000 feet here in Addis. We did run a few kilometers towards the end of the race, but slowed down to a walk before crossing the finish line. Isn't that a little anticlimactic??) It was great seeing such a great spirit in the crowd without the sense of getting jostled around in a huge mob. It was so fun!

Langano- Third Trip

So I headed down to Langano on Tuesday. It was a nice trip down with Jake and Sarah -- they are a couple that have been out here for a few years and they are working with the Langano Camp project. I stayed with them in their little teeny house. It was great.

This trip was more work oriented -- I was down to get a feel for things at the clinic before Kim, my American co-worker, goes home for Christmas for 2 months. So I worked Wednesday in the clinic, Thursday out in the community doing vaccinations, and Friday in the clinic as well.

It was good to get a feel for things.... maybe a little overwhelming in some ways. I have to adjust to down country living again. Things like hot water and refrigeration are harder to come by- - in fact, we are having discussions about what I should I buy. A solar fridge? Well, I better order one now if it comes in from outside Ethiopia. Then there's the rumor that the camp may be getting electricity. So do I wait on the fridge? Or order it now? And is solar the best bet, or should I go for butagas? And if I buy the solar fridge, I have to get lots of solar panels to fuel it. How do I do that? Transfer Nancy's from her old house to my new house? Buy new ones? Where do I get those?....... How do I figure all this out????

Kim is fun to work with in the clinic. I told her that as long as you keep your sense of humor, you do ok, I suppose. It is a very busy clinic: Wednesday is prenatal day, and I listened for fetal heart tones on maybe 30 women's stomachs, and did some measuring and such.

There is a "baby house" right next to the clinic that is part of SIM's
service in Langano. It is not an orphanage -- not for kids to stay in -- but for severely malnourished babies up to 9 months old, just to help them get back to health. Most of the babies' mothers have died, but when they reach 9 months they are returned to their family for raising. The babies are all SO cute, and once they have been in for a bit, they are all healthy looking.

Friday Kim wanted to show me how the reporting process works, (monthly reports required by the government) and it was overwhelming!! There are probably 20 pieces of paper hand filled in to turn in asking all kinds of questions: how many patients with each disease were treated, how many kids under 5 with diarrhea, then further broken down into age brackets, separate form for how many kids with respiratory infection, prenatal exams, nutritional help, vaccinations given by vaccine and age group, on and on!!

We had a bonfire on the lakefront Friday night with homemade marshmellows (?? never heard of such a thing) and some "biscuits" that were supposed to be graham crackers for smores. We invited a couple of the Ethiopian nurses down and were trying to explain, "This is something in our culture. We only eat these when we have a fire. They are very sweet." I figured they must think we are so weird, smores is kind of a weird idea, anyways! :) We kept hearing the hippos in the lake but didn't get to see them.

Saturday I took the bus up to Addis, which is always its own adventure. This time I was taking a nurse with me, as well as a boy with a cleft palate who was being sponsered by SIM and his mother. Strange to have this mix of cultures -- they are unfamiliar with Addis since they are from the bush, and I am an outsider from the US but I am showing them around!! How is it that I know more Amharic than they do???

Conversation on the bus was very animated for a while -- the entire front of the bus was all laughing and chatting with me asking the standard questions: How long have you been here? Are you married? Why don't you marry an Ethiopian? What are the differences between your culture and ours? It is fun trying to get my meaning across, and people are just genuinely friendly and seem to find most everything I say so funny!!

So we made it up, I got the boy and his mother situated in a hotel with some help, and headed home. I'm glad I left all my bags in Langano to come up with someone else- public transport is SO much nicer when you are traveling light!!

That was my week in Langano. I missed four days of language school including the jussive/third person command and a test, so I have a bit of catch-up.

My Halloween costume with my Halloween friends.

 

Making Good Use of Public Transportation..........

 

The Langano Beach!

 

The Fistula Hospital

Today is the day I visit the fistula hospital.  It is so groovy.  A couple girls right outside greeted me really warmly- I must have met them before- I see faces I recognize but don't always remember anything more distinct.  An old lady was sitting on the step- she only spoke Oromo, and told me she was going home the next day.  May God be with you, I said.

As I walked into the main ward, a woman was standing in the doorway, looking much more reserved than warm.  I said hi to her in Amharic and Oromo, and she responded in Oromo.  Her hand came out from under her knitted blanket and she said quietly, I came yesterday and I am sick.  She had the look of someone burdened by her problem.  She said it had taken her one day to arrive from her home.  I told her, the people here will help you.  They want to help you.  I only come sometimes, but we will see each other.  I look forward to seeing her again.

Tomorrow I will go back and tell a Bible story to those women.  Last week my Abraham story went ok, but I wished it was a bit more dramatic and I wished the pictures in my "Tiny Tots Bible Story Book" didn't show people ALL looking like white people!

So that is fun.  I could have stayed there a bit longer….

Langano, the Second Trip

Well, I somehow worked it out to go back down to Langano this last weekend. I went with two gals, Susan and Jenna, who hadn't been too much out of Addis. Strange being the one who knows the way to go!! Susan is staying with an American family who have a driver, so they graciously lent us their car and their chauffeur.

We made it down fine- took us a while to get out of Addis with trying to find gas- we went to 5 different gas stations and finally found some on Bole near the airport. We got to Langano in the dark (we had hoped not to) and Mike met us at the road to take us the last 6 km. When I heard we were taking a Toyota Corolla to Langano I wondered a bit if that car would make it in on the road, but when I saw the end of the road (in Mike's Land Cruiser) I knew for SURE we would not have made it in the Corolla- especially with all the muddy lakes across the path from the untimely rains.

The team there is great, and I am so glad I am joining it. We had a nice time, Genet was our lovely Ethiopian cook who specializes in strawberry pancakes and does everything well!

The way home, however, wasn't quite as peaceful and was a bit more eventful. The main road back to Addis is a good one, and we can go quite fast. I was dozing off in the back seat and woke up to Alazar (our driver) slamming on his brakes. I looked up just in time to see a little boy get hit by our car and fly forward, landing on the road 10 or 15 feet in front of our car.

We jumped out to pick the boy up- he was crying and whimpering, and he looked about 6 years old- and here, on this deserted stretch of highway, people came suddenly pouring from nowhere, swarming the car, trying to get in, yelling. Our driver helped the boy and one adult into the car and drove off saying he was going to take him to seek medical treatment. Everyone had tried pushing their way into the car claiming they were relative/mother/father, etc.

Eventually we made it to Mojo and the boy was taken to a clinic. Alazar had business to do with the police in regards to the legal implications of the accident- the three of us went into a little restaurant compound and had coffees and waited. He finally came back to say since it was a Sunday afternoon the police were not available and he was being required to stay in Mojo overnight, with the car. So we had to leave our driver in Mojo (about 2 hours south of Addis) and we caught a bus home. We saw the child after he was assessed, they said all his tests came back normal, and he was walking and talking and seemed calm but ok.

Today Alazar is still in Mojo but should be able to come back to Addis tomorrow. There is no way he could have avoided hitting the child, and he handled the whole situation very well.

Am I really ready to drive here? It would have been pandominium if I had been the driver myself. It was good to know that he knew exactly what to do and we could stand back and let that happen.

And we are safely arrived here! Now, can I get a trip in to Langano next week?? :)

The Fistula Hospital

Well, so yesterday I made it to the fistula hospital for my first "teaching appointment."  I had worked hard during my language helper time to get the story of Abraham ready- translating simple English sentences from a picture story Bible.  But there was a little misunderstanding in regards to when I was going to show up, so I didn't teach- I will teach my Abraham story this afternoon at 2 pm.  

However, I saw the same girls I had seen the day before and they greeted me warmly saying, "Where have you been?"  One girl walked me around to the whole hospital and I said hi to just about all the patients.  Some are so sweet and shy, some reserved and uncomfortable, but most very friendly and eager to interact.  I had a long conversation with a couple of them that were in bed in rows (always reminds me of Madeline) and we talked about Oromo culture, salt in the coffee, planting, plowing, and everything I had seen from before.  I realized, wow, I can bathe in Amharic and Oromo all I want!!  This is for me.  Talking to girls, telling them dramatic stories like how an egg cracked in my backpack, and making them laugh.

This morning I learned how to say, "God sent you here to this hospital."  And this afternoon, Abraham.

The Trip to Langano

So we made it down to Langano midmorning on Monday.  Now Lake Langano is a big lake and a lot of resorts have come along and made nice little places to stay around the edge of it.  SIM has a station about 45 minutes drive off the main road.  It was great being with the team- my future team- and getting a feel for the compound.  They all eat an injera lunch together that this great Ethiopian cook makes and it was fun seeing the Rodgers kids and feeling welcomed by everyone.  Nancy had left alot of stuff that she said I could have so we borrowed her tents and got ourselves set up down by the lake with our tents.  It is so pictureque by the lake- green reeds, glassy smooth water, acachia trees, etc.  The compound surprises me because it is so BIG!- so much bigger than Awanno.  I guess SIM has 100 acres.  So I went to see my new house (see pic) that they are building- it is probably a kilometer away from the lake, seems like a ways up there.  It is nestled into all kinds of greenery and seems like it will be nice.

 

There are lot of other familes down camping at other places around the lake- it was fun being with them, and we even got to waterski with one family who fixes boats up and such. 

 

There are hippos in the lake, no kidding, we saw three or four at a time, they hang out right in front of SIM's compound.  They make these weird noises in the reeds at night and one night I thought I heard breathing outside my tent (!!).  I hear at night they climb up on the land!  One of them opened his mouth really wide and did a little jump/flip in the water by the beach we were standing on, it was great to see!!  We saw the reeds matted down in lots of places where they had been.

 

Seemed like between waterskiing and spending a day across the lake on a different beach and the travel days, that the week went too fast!!  I wanted more time to get out, maybe visit, introduce myself to more people as the nurse that is coming down.  I suppose the time for that will come.

The Scooter Breaks Down

This is between Zoway and Mojo, just before Mojo.  We hitchhiked in a flatbed to get it back to Mojo then another flatbed to get it in to Addis.

My House in Langano!! (under construction)

I am standing in the kitchen.

Guess what I did at Lake Langano??

 

This is what happens to your hair after braids and camping for the week..........WILD!!

 

and again.....

Takes some getting used to!!  This will make for low maintenance hair while I'm camping at Langano next week!  We leave tomorrow morning early to drive down.

The New Me!!

 

....and down country last weekend at a resort in Wolisso with some friends from Bingham Academy

 

Hiking on a language school field trip

 

Me and My Amharic Primer!

I am reading this book and it is getting easier with practice.  Feels like kindergarten again!!

Language School Continues

Now we are getting further into Amharic grammar. We are talking about a language that always puts verbs at the end of the sentence, that inserts direct objects into the MIDDLE of the verb, that is written in a very foreign script, that speaks more in the perfect past that simple past, and that has four forms of "you."

Enough said! The speakers of Amharic are friendly and so warm to language learners. They tell you you are "gobez" (smart or clever) all the time. It is easy to get off the compound and walk around using it anytime. Today I ducked into a little juice shop and sat and had a pineapple/mango smoothie-thing for 60 US cents! The woman who ran it told me not to forget her name, and to come back soon. I told her, "I am your neighbor now."

So next week we have a break from language school. I am hoping to get out of the city, maybe to Langano to see my team and my station- and my house they are building!!

Language School

Language school continues. So far it is not too much for new
information for me, but next week the "short course" (one month
course I took before) ends and the long course begins. The teaching will be all in fidel (Amharic script) and only the serious students are left. That will be a change.

Otherwise I am trying to figure out how to balance my other time. I am going to the Fistula Hospital to tell the girls Bible stories on
Thursday afternoons. I would like to leave town on the weekends. There are people to catch up with- both Ethiopian and foreigners. There are lots of projects in Addis I could get involved with.

Strange to think I have been here only one week! Life begins to assume the routine...

So I am signing off and hope I can get a bus to "Zenebework": that is my stop.

Fistula Hospital

I have been to the Fistula hospital a number of times before, but it doesn't get old. We went a few days ago, and I was impressed again. We also went out to visit Desta Mender ("Village of Joy") where the girls who cannot be cured can live. It is like its own little community. The girls living there cannot be cured and need colostomies and such, so they need to be close to medical care for the stomas and UTI's and such. While they are on this compound they can learn things like literacy and business so they can find a way to support themselves. In this picture (if it loads) I am in front of the new midwivery school they are opening on the Desta Mender compound with a goal to decrease fistula rates with education.

Otherwise life goes on, Amharic language school is good though still a bit boring, I am making connections and in some ways feel like I never left. Now onto getting some groceries shopped for, getting my cell phone turned on, and making some granola.

Adjusting to a new life

All 8 boxes made it without problems. I got some Ethiopian "helpers" to help me in the airport, and we made it through customs without trouble-they weren't too concerned about trying to figure out what was in all those boxes. My ride was there to meet me just as planned, and I got settled into a cute little apartment on the SIM press compound.

Yesterday was the Eid- end of the fast. I took a taxi into town with some other gals from language school (heading into SIM headquarters) but the streets are under so much construction, and there were so many people out, that the taxi was just stopped, so we got out and walked.

So there we were, walking upstream a flood of jubilant Muslims carrying prayer mats and kids on their shoulders, celebrating the end of the fast. I decided that if I hadn't been to Ethiopia before, it would have been an overwhelming cultural experience: new smell everytime you inhale, new walking strategy with every step to avoid the bus in front of you, the kids yelling at you, the unmarked potholes, and lots and lots of people.

But I suppose it isn't too wild or weird for me. The new life of adventure.

Language school was good today. Tomorrow we are going on a "field trip" to the Fistula Hospital and Desta Mender.

I have survived days one and two of Africa!!

The little gift

Christopher dropped off his gift- he sautered the whole thing himself! Complete with LED lights and all.

The Final Packing

Today is my last day in San Jose. It feels nice. We had blueberry syrup-and-whipped-cream waffles this morning, sat around and enjoyed it all.

The Packing

I keep calling United and Luftansa to ask different agents the same set of questions. How much money to check 8 bags? Do you need to flag my reservation? What is the maximum weight? The stories are starting to be consistent.....:)

So on to packing, alot of donated pills, some educational materials, some housewares, my french press, lots of books, maybe a duvet (can't decide), some Ikea prints, and lots more. It is coming together. Good thing my sister Amy is handy to help me pack, write down what is going in what box, and make me an Americano when the afternoon is dragging.

Sunday morning will come quickly! I am excited and ready. Its just that my boxes aren't.

A hard, deep call to obedience

You are the God who makes extravagant promises.
We relish your great promises
of fidelity
and presence
and solidarity,
and we exude in them.
Only to find out, always too late,
that your promise always comes
in the midst of a hard, deep call to obedience.
You are the God who calls people like us,
and the long list of mothers and fathers before us,
who trusted the promise enough to keep the call.
So we give you thanks that you are a calling God,
who calls always to dangerous new places.
We pray enough of your grace and mercy among us
that we may be those
who believe your promises enough
to respond to your call.
We pray in the one who embodied your promise
and enacted your call, even Jesus. Amen.

In anticipation of reading Jeremiah 1-2
Walter Bruggemann

Madeleine L'Engle

I know too well now that I cannot live without poetry. Sometimes the power of words put together in poetry overwhelms me, often it draws me close to God in a new fresh way, it is always refreshing to me.

And Madeline L'Engle took me off guard with some of her poems. I think it is the element of emotion that comes at you like a surprise when you don't see where she's going, but she throws you into the center of human feeling.

From "When I pushed through the crowd." (See Mark 5:24-34)

No, it wasn't the leper,
or the man cured of palsy,
or any of the other stories of miracles,
or at any rate that was the least of it;
I had been promised miracles too often.
I saw him ahead of me in the crowd
and there was something in his glance
and in the way his hand rested briefly
on the matted head of a small boy
who was getting in everybody's way,
and I knew that if only I could get to him,
not to bother him, you understand,
not to interrupt, or to ask him for anything,
not even his attention,
just to get to him and touch him.....

The Size of the Task

I realized something yesterday. I was explaining to someone what I wanted to do in Ethiopia: develop a community health program in Langano. Help Ethiopian health care workers catch a vision for reaching their own villagers with holistic health care. Create a new model for health care that doesn't need lots of Westerners. Make a system that will spread itself, and take it to different parts of the country. I realized, whoa, this job is way, way too big for me. It is easy for me to think of all the reasons I am not equipped or right for the job: I am a labor nurse, never worked in community health, I am white, I draw attention, I need hot showers and Western food. And who says I know more about my faith than Ethiopian Christians living in the bush? I don't have enough experience, or knowledge, or the right degrees...

So, it must be the right job if it is too big. Why take a job that is a reasonable size? Is there no room for God to use me if I am willing to trust Him to help me? Didn't He lead to this point, exactly where I am standing right now? I am trusting Him and, strangely, I feel this job is just the right size.

Journals....

I am working my way through all my stuff and boxes and such, and there is a box full of journals. I was flipping through them and reading some of them to Gina and laughing at my own comments. Some entries are filled with devotion and hunger for God that almost shames me now and makes me ask, have I lost that? Others chronicle problems that sure seemed big at the time, but now are almost lost in memory.

But all have a flavor that slowly builds. Almost all these journals are from after my personal commitment to love and serve God when I was 18, and since then the slow crescendo has continued: missions. God's work around the world. There is the "evangelism" student leadership team when Miles was the pastor, applying to work in Ecuador with HCJB (that never really worked out), Guatemala and all its thoughts and meditations, meeting Claire, nursing school, reading the biography about Mercy Ships, on and on.

And here I stand on the edge of where I have been heading: about to step into another culture, but this time, it is as a career. The end of an era.

But really, isn't it the beginning? A new trajectory where building God's kingdom can be my main focus, whatever that looks like.

The Banquet Table

 


We had quite a feast last night- Granddad's 91st birthday, and Amy's sweet 16! It is good with everyone together, Jonathan down from San Francisco, David still in town. Reminds me how much Granddad has lived through as he talked about how he and his friends reacted to the news about Pearl Harbor (they were in town seeing a movie when they heard). They responded by enlisting. He was on the golf course when he heard Kennedy had been assasinated.

I think he liked his new hummingbird feeder and the rasberry wine I got him to drizzle over ice cream....

Cute Baby!!

From Jami's place

From St. Louis, Missouri

I am in St. Louis visiting my good friends David and Jami Dalton. We went to see the Arch yesterday- considered the "Gateway of the West." It reminded me of the pioneering spirit that existed in our country and how similar they must have felt to my own situation- venturing off into the unknown.

I am excited to get to Ethiopia. I will be there by the middle of September.

I was looking at the Poetry and Psalms class offered this summer by Western and getting pretty excited about it, and when I told David about it I was reminded of another poem I wrote for my Old Testament class at Western back in 2004.



Its about Quiksilver County Park- I used to run there more, and there was always this dichotomy between leaving my walkman at home and running in Quiksilver, or taking the walkman, listening to very shallow pop music, and running around the streets near here. That's where the music themes come from. Here's the poem.

Quiksilver

This place is holy
There’s moisture on the grass
The trail is muddy and it smells good here.

Far from the maddening crowd
There’s sunlight on the oak tree
The picnic table is empty and alluring.

In this quiet place I hear praise
There’s bugs humming in the air
The shrubs are close and thick.

My temporal life is now below me
There’s only the splendid deep sky
And the broad hill scape painted with setting sun.

You walk with me in the cool of the day
The air tastes good on the way down
And the path is smooth and wide now.

I want more Everlasting and less fleeting
The hills are stacked with different shades
The lake is deep and quiet, the air still and full.

Why do I ever choose noise over this silence?
What else restores me like this communion?
Who have I in heaven but Thee?

Now I’m far away from all the other voices
I worked my way up this hill to hear Yours
You speak in the vast, rich speech of Your glory.

Can I stay here? Must I go back?
How can I bring this stillness back down?
I want no song but the one I hear now.

Batter my heart and open my eyes
Loosen my grip on that which is passing
Prepare me for Your courts of praise.

Isn't there a more efficient way?

Cornelius. The story struck me when I heard it referred to in one of my missions lectures. God tells an angel to appear to Cornelius in Caeserea. That is, He sends an angelic messenger all the way from heaven down to earth to give a message to this man. The angel is going to scare Cornelius and certainly get his attention.

Why wouldn't the angel just tell him the gospel right then and there??

For all that "mileage" in coming down from heaven, the angel just lets him know who to look up. Seems like as the church is preparing for this pivotal juncture in missions (the gospel becomes the message for the whole world), God illustrates how He likes to work.

Gosh, it would be quicker and foolproof to send angels. They don't get sick with the food, or mess up the grammer, or miss their families, or get scared of going by themselves, do they? They never disagree with their Team Leader or have to worry about Land Rovers to get them around or have to get shots and take pills to stay healthy.

Angels to my friends in Awanno. Angels to my friends-to-be in Langano. Dazzling robes, maybe with hair that is white like wool or something catchy like that. Then all those people would listen and understand, wouldn't they?

But its us! He showed us in Acts and commanded us in Matthew: He is using us. Not us alone, but He is using us. With all our conflict, misgivings (even Peter in Acts 10 has misgivings), and fear of the unknown mission field experience that lays before us. Good thing we aren't alone.

I have found so much comfort in recently in Revelation 1:17-18. "Do not fear. I am the first and the last...." Why would that make me not afraid? Because He is on my side, and He is holding the keys to death and Hades. He is the beginning and the end, and the winner of everything, and He is telling me not to be afraid.

That is good, in light of the path ahead of me. I can't see the muddle in the middle, but He is the first and the last.

I suppose all along the way in terms of preparing for heading back into missions, there have been a lot of things I could not imagine happening. As some of those unimaginable things come to pass, I suppose it is a concrete sign that God is working in my life, not just me moving forward on my own willpower.

Last year I couldn't really imagine any concrete planning to be a long term missionary at all. More recently, this fall, I couldn't imagine actually sitting down to write another prayer letter- sort of feels like, "Hey, everybody, its me again, feels like I am always asking for money." That was in the fall before I made my January trip over, and I figured if it was really His leading, somehow I would convince myself to sit down and write it.

I did not have to convince myself, but I sure wrote it. And as I wrote it, I cried thinking about how much I DO believe in what God is doing in the world, and the ultimate supremacy of Jesus Christ and the truth of His words to us. Even sitting down to write it at the kitchen table with the morning sun coming in... putting my hands on the keys... I had imagined it would be harder than it was.

That is evidence of God.

And now I see more ahead of me that I can't imagine and genuinely don't want. Good bye parties, oh, gosh, that doesn't sound fun. Or moreso- saying goodbye to my family- my parents and my sisters here whose lives are so intertwined with mine. What in the world is going to replace that element of my life in Ethiopia? I can't get excited about the HQ dynamics....

But I have the evidence, right here fresh in my mind and memory- He leads us forward right through whatever it is we dread or fear or just plain old don't look forward to- and He makes it good and worth it all.

Even when we can't quite imagine how it is going to work out.

Missions

I am listening to these lectures from the Ockenga Institute Online (through Gordon-Conwell) and the lectures are so good.

I can't quite describe the feel they give me, but its the same feeling I felt sitting in my Perspectives on the World Christian Movement back in... 2003 I guess? A long time ago.

Its that feeling of a whole lot of smart talented people pouring their lives into missions, this amazing labor force enabled with the much more amazing Holy Spirit of God, and they are coupled together to complete this joyful task and bring the End, and the End will be ultimate Joy as we see Jesus on His throne. And all that labor force, and all the people that have loved Him and died, and all those buried in that missionary graveyard outside Nairobi, Kenya, and all those Africans that sing so loud and well, and all the quiet worship types, we'll all be there and there will be no more pain, and it will be worth it.

That's kindof the feeling, and it reconfirms and reconfirms and reconfirms every day to me that I would not want to be anywhere else but working in Christian Missions, promoting the only Message that really came to help all the problems in the world, the gospel of Jesus Christ.

So it is getting me ready...

Westminster Abbey Evensong

Psalm 90:4 "For a thousand years in Your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night."

Yesterday evening we went to Westminster Abbey for Chorale Evensong- it was a great experience. Westminster Abbey was built in 1045-1050, wow, that is a long time ago.

The program had a boy's choir that came in as a procession singing, and then contained scripture readings and singing, some in English, some in Latin. Hearing singing like that inside a cathedral is quite an experience. It was amazing looking up at the stained glass window, in a church so old, and thinking of the world outside that has changed so much in almost a thousand years.

Hearing Psalm 90 in a place like that gives a new perspective to a "thousand years."

Morocco

Morocco… something between the quick version and the long version…

Its funny when you’re in a new country. You don’t know how trusting or suspicious or afraid or calm to be. Who knows how dangerous it is to walk with your suitcases, majorly looking like a tourist, down the street looking for your hotel? Just about exactly what we were doing after getting off the airport shuttle bus at about 8:45 on Wednesday evening. I was actually the more nervous one, Jen was pretty relaxed.

So we asked a few tourists, who said it was right around the corner, there it was, we checked in, dropped off our luggage, and came down to have our first Moroccan meal. We ate all our dinners at the hotel, it was good food, traditional Moroccan, I think, and great to have that waiting, especially the first night.

Marrekesh. The books will tell you to enjoy the souks (shops), and to have a good look around the Jemaa el Fna square. They also suggest some palace or gardens or something, we didn’t make it quite that far. We certainly got a feel for the souks. The whole area is very driven by tourism, and they’ve got some neat things to sell (always better displayed at home with the line “I got it in Morocco…”) so we were good little tourists and emptied our pockets that way.

Jemaa el Fna square was really something. Women sitting everywhere trying to talk you into having henna painted on your hand for a price, snake charmers (don’t think I’ve ever seen one of those before,) lots of fresh juice stands, and we saw a couple traditional storytellers. Except for the storytellers a lot of it is aimed at the tourists, but the storytellers are telling stories in Arabic- like a story out of the Arabian nights or something- so the people around looked pretty local to me. It is a huge square, really crazy and intense but fascinating to walk around.

We spent most of Thursday and Saturday in that general area. It is a huge area- makes up a good part of the medina (old city). And speaking of old cities- the inside of the souk area could just as easily have been Jerusalem to me, for the way it looked, covered little walkways, shops on either side, etc.

Friday we decided would be our day to get out of the city. We hired a shared taxi out to the Ourika valley- to a little town called Setti Fatma nestled in the High Atlas mountains. The views were amazing and gorgeous- layers of snowcapped peaks around us, and little rippling stream through it all, lots of restaurants offering creekside dining experiences. It was good to see at least a little bit out of town- I commented that it felt much more third world out of the tourist hub of Marrekesh, and Jen agreed, saying she felt like she was driving out to Babogaya or something.

We decided to give ourselves a hammam treatment, that was interesting, and must be told, I suppose, in person. Interesting!!

Amazing, I didn’t talk to any other American. The place is full of tourists- as full as any touristy place is- all European, lots of Dutch, plenty of English. The shopkeepers ask “Where are you from?” trying to make conversation, but they didn’t know what “US” mean, only “America.” One man told us, “You are my first American customers.” Funny. I suppose I had never heard of Marrekesh before Jen booked the package!

So we arrived back here late last night, it was a smooth trip in the end and had a great time experiencing an exotic new place.

I am excited to see my family soon! Amazing to think where I was a week ago (Toulouse), and where I will be in a week (San Jose!)

Morocco Arrival

When, may I ask, do you hear opera music playing when you walk into the baggage claim hall? How often is your bag the first bag you see rolling right towards you on the carousel? When do you have three easyjet agents waiting for you when you walk up without any other customers around? When do you walk out of the airport three minutes before the Gatwick-Heathrow shuttle takes off? How often are the Heathrow International departures security lines short? When are you offerred free cocktails by a duty free shop on the way to the gate???

Only on days like yesterday. Maybe no one else heard the opera music.

After being nervous and praying so much, it was so smooth! I caught the 11:45 shuttle when I had planned on catching the 12. And I had extra time to check my bag, and we did have free cocktails in the airport, great.

Now after sleeping in our canapy beds and taking breakfast, we are off to the Medina.

Blasted Arabic keyboard!! Takes forever:

Toulouse!!!

Amazing that I have been here in Toulouse already for my whole visit! Five days went really fast, it was so fun being with the boys and Lydia and Sam and Rebecca. We went to 'Pic du Midi' yesterday, up in the Pyranees mountains, wow, so beautiful.

Whoa, little nieces are so cute!! Lydia was funny all bundled up. It is amazing to feel how fast the days go with little kids around, seems like you just eat, play with them a little, get them out the door for something, back in the door, eat again, and its bedtime!! They are so cute.

We were busy at church a few days, then up to the snow, then today we went to the museum of natural history here in Toulouse. Seems like it has been good, full days here.

Tomorrow... making it across London from gatwick to heathrow in time, that is the trick. Easyjet in Europe is pretty tight on carry on baggage, and I've got a pretty packed little case, so I might not make it without some checked.... I hope it works out, with time to spare. Now tonight I saw a website that said arrive 3 hours for international flights... I don't think I will at heathrow three hours before my flight to Morocco!!

Will feel good to land in Marrekesh tomorrow night...

A few pictures

Mmmmm. We ate at this "meat house" up in Mekele. Probably ate some of the meat hanging there! We had kitfo and zilzil tibs and all kinds of great Ethiopian meat specialities.



Here is the Langano clinic.



Here we are- Brian and I- at Langano, on the mission station down by the lake. We swam alot in the afternoons, the water felt great, just a little mucky on the bottom.

London

I am in London now, at Jen's place, in her little room at the top of the three story funky house she lives in here in "Eelling" area of London. She is out tonight with a couple English tutoring sessions that she does, so I have the place to myself for the moment until her housemates get in. The view from up here is so cool, looking out on a very London-looking scene (to me) of steep roofs and a church clock tower and crisp afternoon sun. The house kindof reminds me of the funky Institute house in Chelles outside Paris- have to love the old washing machine in the kitchen next to the fridge deal.

At least I didn't sleep through my flight this time! My flight departed at 4:15 am from Addis Abeba. I decided to show up early to the airport to avoid the annoying lines, which actually worked out pretty well. I got there a little after one, checked in, and lay down on the bench to take a nap. Then on the flight I got all three seats to myself, so lay down and had a good sleep until the plane filled up in Amman, Jordan.

The last day in Ethiopia worked out so well. My flight in from Mekele was easy to catch, and then I ran into or found all the people I wanted to. I saw Ken R., that was good to talk to him, he is looking for a nurse to do alot of community health stuff, and I had such a nice talk with Esther Lee, I like her a lot, then Brian and I had dinner at the Carnivore, that was cool.

Tomorrow on to Toulouse. I have a cute little Oyster card now for getting around London- I hope I do ok getting to Gatwick. At least I will just have my little carry on.

Mekele

I just arrived back from my two day trip to Mekele. I suppose one noteworthy part was when I woke up. My flight departed at 6:30 on Monday morning, and I woke up at 6:29. Opened my eyes and wondered, why is it light outside? I'm supposed to be getting up at 4:30, why would it be light out there?? CRAZY!

Now I am back, just the rest of the day to wrap things up here in Ethiopia, flying out to London tonight. My flight is at 4:15 in the
morning, so it will be a long night in the airport tonight!! I hope I survive.

I think I will have time at Jen's in London tomorrow to write more...

I ran out of time to get my hair braided!!

Back in Addis

Let's see…  Wednesday.  Wednesday the plan was to distribute nets, then head back to Addis.   The net distribution always got so wild at the end- actually the whole time- those of use who were off playing soccer or volleyball were having a better time usually than the ones handing out the nets.   The way you do things is to get two "lines" going, and with a list of names for each line.  Then two people, sort of simultaneously, are yelling and repeating people's names, and 4 or 5 others figure they should turn around and yell the same name so everyone hears, so the result is noone can really hear anything.   Not to mention continually yelling "move back" because the crowd just keeps pushing in on you.  It was really wild.   Then, dealing with extra nets, whoa, it was always a mob at the end- the way we would do things, we would just finish the list, pack up and leave, without being talked into giving extras out.   But… not the only way to do it.  Everytime we left, it was like driving out of a mob, with yelling and pushing going on, plus demands for nets and begging hand signals the whole way out.   Wild.

 

I got a little ("little") frustrated that we stopped in a town so somebody (coordinator of some type) could buy himself some fertilizer- that took about half an hour, after we are already late and supposed to already have been in Addis.   I'm glad I got to have some good conversations with him on the way home because otherwise he would have thought I was irritated forever.  I was the only white person in that car, so he said, oh, I wouldn't have stopped that long if there were firenges in the car, but you aren't a firenge anymore, you are an Ethiopian.   Hmmm, I was too irritated to take that as a compliment!

 

So we had a great big dinner with 30 people at Family Restaurant last night, it was so fun.  I could tell the team was really excited to be eating firenge food besides spaghetti and bread, we were all ordering burritos, good steaks, and of all things I was in the mood for a cucumber yogurt salad.   Just sounded so good and fresh.

 

This morning I met up with the team for the last time- breakfast at La Parisienne- I am going to miss them!!  Amazing how well you get to know people in just a few days!  Brian came along to breakfast, that was fun.

 

Denise Ward is back!!  So fun seeing her last night, and tonight we went out to coffee, we do have a lot in common, and I'm glad we'll both be in the country.   After that we went over to Indalsh's house- that is the Oromo family she lived with here in Addis while she was in language school.  She decided we should just drop in because that was they wouldn't go out of their way to prepare for us, and I'll admit I was a little nervous about dropping in and just catching her at a weird time.   I kept asking Denise questions like, "Have you ever dropped in before?"  so she could tell I was nervous about the unannounced visit, and she said I had been out of the country too long!!   Probably true.  It ended up being PERFECT.  They were just sitting down to coffee, all the kids were there, just nice to chat.   (all in Oromo, of course, whoa, little rusty).  Denise made the point that doing a visit like that with two people really helps the flow of conversation- I could see that- the spotlight isn't always on you.   So we had coffee and talked, and I was saying how cool it would be to have more Ethiopian friends in Addis that you could come back and connect with when you were in town.

 

That's that.  Tomorrow I am going to see part of the Addis Kedan Aids project, that should be good.   I could use about another month here….

More Butajira

So, today... Now that the power is back on I can log onto the internet here. The gals at the internet cafe said they were gonig to find me some samosas because I am craving them, I love the way the community works here. I write my blog update, they bring me snacks!!

More scrambled eggs and omelets this morning for breakfast. The bread is really good- I think the team is probably getting tired of so little selection of firenge food at meals, but they are catching on to shiro wot quickly.

We headed out past Enceno (town) to a little bush area, again, we had a group of people sitting waiting for us under a tree. We started a soccer and volleyball game, (I played volleyball for a while), and then they have the mosquito net teaching. We are there with our group of Americans, as well as a lot of the evangelists working in the area. As chaotic as that can be with lots of people to coordinate, it is great that we are working together, and I think it is clear to the community that this service is coming from the local church.

I went on a little visit - a lady asked me over to her house - of course she wanted a picture in front of her house, which was fine. She served me beans and corn mixed, nice, with a little salt.

The rest of the team seems to be doing well. It is so great seeing the team cross culture with sports, playing with the kids, games, and all that. I know a little about both those cultures, it is magic watching them connect.

Dave and Lynn Hunt just arrived down here with us. I think the plan is to distribute the rest of our nets tomorrow, then head to Addis.

I love the fact that the college students had a bake sale to raise money to come out here. They raised the money for the nets- these nets are treated with chemicals that kill mosquitos lasting 4 years or 20 washes. So it is quite a service to the community and the local church to provide the nets themselves. I have been telling Ethiopians, "These are students, they have some money, but not lots and lots. So they made food and sold it to buy these nets for all of you because they wanted to show you God's love."

The samosas should be ready soon.

Another funny story

Yesterday at the house church we were getting ready to pray, I am leaning down with my hand over my eyes, and our translator/"coordinator" dude comes and says to me, "Wake up, sister.  Pray in Amharic."  Which cracked me up, and i am not really fitted to pray in Amharic so after the prayer (which was simple) he said, "that was nice, just like a child."

Butajira

Well, first, the night before leaving with the college group, I was feeling FUNKY.  I went to bed pretty early, feeling achy and sick, wondering if I could have gotten malaria or something out in Sodere.  So then when I got up in the middle of the night and walked to the bathroom, I thought I was going to pass out for sure, and stumbled back to my room seeing black dots and feeling AWFUL!! 

But after that I felt actually pretty good in the morning, and now I feel fine.

We got out here to Butajira late Saturday after quite a while of just sitting around.  At least I got to know the group a bit that way.  They are really cool kids.  We settled into our hotel Saturday night.

 

Sunday we split up and went to a few different churches with Horn of Africa Mission.  We went to a little house church, whoa, I have never been to a house church in Ethiopia, I loved it, it was so organic and real.  One of the college guys gave his testimony, then the translator asks me to help translate, then he translated from my Amharic to the congregation, so funny!  But the people were really connecting with the testimony, it was great.  I loved that.

 

Today we went out with the mosquito nets to distribute.  It worked out well, but was kindof wild with all the people mobbing for the nets.  I think the college kids were a little overwhelmed with how rough Ethiopians can be with each other, I don't blame them.  Now all the kids know what it is like to be pressed with people.  They are troopers, alot of them talk about wanting to come back and be missionaries and all, I think that is great.

 

This little town we are staying in is all right.  It is so fun speaking Amharic again.  I don't want to leave Ethiopia, I don't want to come home.  At least I know I am exactly where God wants me now.

Langano

Langano.  I put two pictures in here, don't know if they will show or not.

 

From the top.  Wow, what a great trip.  We did manage to have Kim and Dan take our bags and jerry cans of water and food and all, and they even said that morning- do you guys want a ride?   We said, "No, we'll just take the bus!"  They thought we were crazy.  I was mostly worried about the 9 mile hike into Langano, but Brian was really excited about it.   We had this discussion on the bus- if we see a taxi, are we going to take it?  My theory was we should use a taxi to as far as we could!!   Brian thought walking sounded cool, and I kept telling him he was overestimating me!

 

Anyways, got on the bus near Stadium in Addis, waited about an hour for it to fill up (with all kinds of hard core bush/Awanno looking people), and then we actually made pretty good time down- about 4-4 ½ hours.   It took an extra half hour because we stopped for lunch in Zoway and as everyone was getting back on the bus, the bus lurched and the bus door slammed onto a girl's finger, and she was crying and crying, so of course the bus driver had to take across the way to the clinic!   So everyone got out and were milling around- actually we got going again in half an hour, so that wasn't so bad, after all.

 

We got out at "the red road"- turnoff to Langano- looks like the middle of the Sahara.  NOTHING.   So we started walking, Brian said he felt like we were in a movie or something.  Actually, we had walked probably 20 minutes when along comes this Land Cruiser, and here is Nancy saying she had to take someone to the hospital and she was on her way home!   We jumped in with her, and the big long hike ended up being a little too easy.

 

Langano- the station- is really spread out.  Takes a while to get from the clinic up to the missionary housing, and from the houses down to the beach.   We went swimming right away, the water felt great.  As it turned out, Brian camped by the beach, and I stayed in the short term house with Joan.   The whole time was really great- I "worked" (mostly observed) in the clinic for two mornings, and in the afternoons we swam and fished and watched the hippo.   (sweet!  We saw the hippo).

 

The clinic was kindof depressing.  I just know clinics.  Similar to Awanno- Nancy is kindof burned out now, so she is continually frustrated with the Ethiopian staff, and what isn't being done right, etc.   I was there for the morning of obstetric prenatal day, and I actually liked that.  My job was fundal height, Doppler heart tones, and leopolds.   I think my leopolds improved in that one day, one baby I felt and said, I think this one is breech, what do you think?  Nancy agreed with me. This is the Langano clinic.  Sure looks like a clinic in the middle of Africa!!

 

So, it was great.  Campfires at night, gorgeous stars, all the guards saying, "whoa, you speak Oromo!!"   I went visiting one day, went into one house, then got served dinner at a funeral.  All by myself, too, it is easy enough to have simple conversations in Oromo.   This is Arsi Oromo, but not too different from Jimma Oromo.

 

I had a good talk with Kim this morning- she likes being in the clinic best, and wants to develop the community health more, so that is where she envisions me.   I can see community more than I can clinic for myself, so I liked hearing that.  She said maybe you can help out in the clinic just on the busy days.  

 

Back in Addis.  Today was sort of long and hard.  I suppose it is the same feeling again- floating around HQ.   At least this time I don't have too much down time- I am leaving tomorrow for Butajira with the Venture College Group.

 

Nebiyu said if I want, they will make a trip to Awanno with me.  If I wasn't here, they wouldn't go, but some of the Awanno staff would make the trip up here.   The weight of that decision seems so hard!  I wish I didn't have to go just me with some Ethiopians.  I wish Brian, or Denise, or Gi-Yeung could go.  Maybe something would work out, but I will probably have to tell him before I know how everything will work out.   When/if I come back next year, the SIM contract will be over in Awanno, might be even harder to go.  I don't know.

 

So, off to bed.  I am all packed and ready for the next trip.

Plans for the week

Yesterday Brian and I had a great time getting out and around town.  We went to the fancy new movie theater here and saw National Treasure 2.  He told me he spends 1-3 hours a day just walking and taking taxis around Addis.  I was surprised, but not that surprised after how many places we got to yesterday!  Too bad the city is spread out like that.  But the minibus system here actually works really well.

 

So today, Beza International Church- this church is in English, but mostly Ethiopians, I guess it is targeting rich Ethiopians.  Brian feels like it is a little too showy and hasn't really cared for it recently.  They did do a great job with the worship and all...  I was sitting there thinking, gee, all these people in this building are here because they want to experience God, at least that's what they would say.  But... here I am looking out the window at the expanse of land after the city ends, and the mountains in the distance.  God is with us, to be experienced, how about experiencing God by obeying Him and following Him into uncomfortable places out in the bush, where the needs are so overwhelming?  I love the bush, but thinking about solar electricity and all the things you give up when you leave Addis is sobering for me.  I think He is calling me to obey Him.... out there somewhere. 

 

So, Langano tomorrow!!  Going to be a little interesting with all the logistics.  Brian and I are taking the bus down and walking in to Langano, which I guess is somewhere between 15 and 18 kilometers- whoa!!  That calculates out to be at least 9 miles.  Brian seems to think we'll be fine, and I know we'll be ok if we're together.  Then I am going to stay in the short-term house down there, and Brian's going to camp.  We bought food for the two of us for 3-4 days, but we didn't count on cooking facilities, so its like, bread and laughing cow cheese and crackers- REALLY boring- with muesli and milk powder for breakfast!  Whoa.  I hope I'm ok without coffee....  I didn't want it to be sketchy for the two of us be together so much but it seems like it will be ok.  I hope our hike in is ok- Joan on the radio today was asking about the walk in, and saying she had talked to Brian about it, and it was really hard to hear what she was saying because there was so much static and all, so it was a little weird.  We'll be fine.  I hope I'm not too tired after walking all that way.

 

I feel scared about how quickly time is going!  I don't know when I'll get to sit down and talk to Kim about Langano- she is the main nurse I would be working with.  After Langano I'm meeting up with the youth group from Venture Christian- I talked to Dave Hunt on the phone last night and I can tell he has got everything really well planned, so I feel good about that.  I'm leaving with them next Saturday from Addis, that is the plan.  Butajira, the town we're going to, is on the Jimma road, so I assume I'll recognize the area since that's the way we always went.

 

Had dinner tonight with the Lees and Claire- I love seeing the kids again.  I just wanted to squeeze them.  Jae Bin is talking with this really cute little south african accent after being they were in South Africa for a year for Ki-Yueng's schooling.  We had a great injera spread, man, I am eating way too much.

 

I had time to pray this morning about all the possibilities and the timing of things during the rest of my visit.  I think God is here with me, that makes me feel good about things.  I hope things fall into place.

And today my blog is letting me log on!  Someone said blogger had issues in Ethiopia.  Claire and I were just trying to get her computer logged in- hard when things don't work right!!

Anyway, saw the Lees this morning, wow, you are so connected to people you worked with in the bush!  They had me into their guest house room for Korean breakfast- like spicy ramen soup.  The kids are so big and cute now.

Brian's coming over soon, and we're going to go play or something.  I had a great talk this morning with Angela Kruse- her and her husband work out at Sherkole Sudanese refuge camp.  She is hard core about getting out into the community, I feel like I have a lot to learn from her.

Well, hope I can write more regularly.  We're thinking of leaving for Langano on Monday, but I don't know what that will look like- Brian and I taking the bus down, then walking in?  15 km?  Carrying all our food and water???  Camping??  Great potential for fun!

In Ethiopia

Addis Ababa... I knew it the second I stepped into the jetway, there's just that funny sulfur stinky smoky smell in the air, I really am here. Its been a week now and I'm coming out of the daze, and actually almost feeling like I never left! I can get myself around town, and say quite a bit to people, I didn't forget.

So nothing too notable about the flights or anything, although when I was standing in the visa line I was scared that Brian hadn't woken up and now I would have to figure something out at 4 in the morning, but sure enough he was there. My box made it fine and all, I stayed at HQ (sharing a room with someone) for the first two nights.

The first day Brian and I rode his motorcycle around town- very cool and fun, that is the way to go! Actually it wasn't really just for fun, he was driving it in the to shop as it is broken again. So we dropped it off and took taxis home. He said he hasn't taken any contract taxis, just the minibuses since he's been back, and I was feeling bad because the minibuses are so much more work, you know, have to catch one, change, catch another one, I am too lazy and I just get a contract taxi. But he's right, the price comparison is like a birr twenty compared to twenty birr! Way cheaper.

So then we left for the Sodere conference- the spiritual life conference they have every other year. The place was like a hotel "resort." (they did call it a resort) which was pretty cool location wise- pretty, with a big huge swimming pool. But the actual accomodations were sketchy- I guess average for Ethiopia. Cockroaches, whoa, I forgot about those. I roomed with Allison, that was cool- at first we decided to kill the cockroaches but then we just started ignoring them. I had to scan the bathroom before actually using the can- little to vulnerable to be sitting there and having one come along.

But anyways, everyone is great sports, nobody really says much about stuff like that. I just forget the difference.... pretty distinct....

They had this ginourmous swimming pool, and they filled it with water from a hot spring, so the first night we got there it was like a really hot spa- almost burned when you first got in. It felt good at night. Then over the next few days it slowly cooled- yesterday it felt just right for a afternoon swim in the sun. All the kids from SIM were out having a great time, plus the parents and the singles, too, it was really fun, you know, diving contests and stuff.

Somehow Brian talked me into swimming in the river, no kidding, this river (the Awash river) is supposed to have crocs in it. That was a little trippy. Actually I told him, it is the stuff in the river that you can't see that really scares me. Like leaches and schisto and all the weird river diseases. I think that is African Health Rule Number One: don't swim in the rivers!! We had a blast.

I got to know alot of cool people better, plus meeting a lot of new ones. It is good to be here and think about coming back- I prayed alot and I feel God leading me, not sure where or how, just yet.

So the plan- probably down to Langano early next week- at the moment Brian and I are planning on taking the bus, so a down country bus trip sounds great. Nancy sounds pretty burned out down there- she had to leave the conference right away to be back and be on call this weekend.

Tonight we are going to Ethiopian dinner with dancing, I guess, that will be fun. I haven't had good shiro yet, or some good "encolal be sigah"- eggs with meat- oh, gosh, sounds good.

The schedule has flowed so naturally, I think everything is going to fall into place. I keep praying God will work all the details out.

I can feel myself relaxing into the African me.... I don't care about dirty feet, or dusty hair, or clean hands, or makeup, or any of that..... Feels good. I think this is the real me.