I think I finally admitted it to myself last night, sitting on the couch looking at the lights of the Christmas tree glowing in the dark. This year has had lots of disappointments. I am not so excited about things. Hard to leave Ethiopia, maybe I expected I would be more settled in San Jose by now- I would have hoped I would have found a community and friends because I feel like I need that, I feel sort of trapped living at home without other good options, and I have watched the situation in Awanno deteriorate so much in a year. God answers my prayers in a sustaining way- getting me through a few more days, but that is all I can see and the future is really sort of depressing. So that's the end of empty little me, my little life not going the exciting way I would have chosen.
Lying in bed in the glow of Christmas morning, I am singing to myself... Led by the light of faith serenely beaming, with glowing hearts by his cradle we stand... that is true light, true worship and fulfillment. Light and solid hope into the dissonance of my tense world that doesn't make sense. Lord, let your light, light of Your face, shine on us- that we may be saved, have life, and find our way in the darkest night.
Once again, I find Him bigger than my problems and better than my plans. When Zacharias prophesied Jesus' birth, he said "the Sunrise from on high will visit us." He will shine in my darkness and a thousand other darknesses around the globe.
And now, the sun is up, it is Christmas.
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